|Ode To Barbra Joan|
April 13, 1994
Dana Reston (writer)
Main Cast Edit
- Fran Drescher as Fran Fine
- Lauren Lane as C.C. Babcock
- Daniel Davis as Niles
- Charles Shaughnessy as Maxwell Sheffield
- Nicolle Tom as Margaret Sheffield
- Benjamin Salisbury as Brighton Sheffield
- Madeline Zima as Grace Sheffield
Recurring Cast Edit
- Renee Taylor as Sylvia Fine
- Ann Morgan Guilbert as Yetta Rosenberg
- Rachel Chagall as Valerie "Val" Toriello
- Chester Drescher as Chester
Guest Cast Edit
- Loren Michaels as Barbra Streisand
- Robert Culp as Stewert Babcock
Stewart: I have to check out some new hotel properties and meet with the foreign investors. I suppose I have to show my face at this Streisand thing.
Fran: (starstruck) Barbara Joan Streisand, born April 24th, 1942, to Manny and Diana Streisand of 457 Schenecktedy Avenue, Brooklyn?
(cheers and applause from the audience)
Stewart: I take it you're a fan?
Fran: Oh, well, if you call turning your bedroom into a shrine, seeing all of her movies twenty-five times, paying $200 for a piece of chewing gum from the bottom of Barbra's shoe...
Maxwell: Is that what that framed thing in your room is?
Fran: Oh, no, that's a sourball that Elliott Gould spit out, but he was married to her at the time!
C.C.: If I'm going to see my father, everything has to be perfect. He is demanding, critical, judgemental... you have no idea what it's like to be around someone like that.
(Niles and Fran look at each other, speaking at the same time)
Niles: Totally in the dark.
Fran: Don't have a clue.
(Doorbell rings. Niles grunts in pain as he hobbles to the door)
Maxwell: (Walks past Niles) Oh, Niles, there's someone at the door.
Niles: Oh, and I thought another angel got its wings.
Maxwell: You should do something about your feet.
Niles: Well, perhaps I can chew them off.
Maxwell: I was thinking more of a visit to the chiropodist... but as long as you take care of it! (Turns around and walks off)
C.C.: (Looks down closely at the plate she's holding) Niles, you can't use this china. The pattern is hideous!
Niles: That's not the pattern; it's your reflection.
C.C.: (Thoughtfully) I would like him to meet the man in my life.
Maxwell: By all means, bring him along! (C.C. looks at him with disgust)
Niles: I'll blow him up and put him in his usual chair.
Fran: You got to see him! It's like my mother always says...
Niles: You can freeze anything.
Maxwell: Why buy Sweet and Low when restaurants are giving it away?
Niles: Seven cans of tuna fish count as one in the express line?
Fran: No! My mother always said "Blood is thicker than water, and you can wash 'em both off of plastic slipcovers".
C.C.: I'm far too busy. Besides, I saw him last year. We had dinner and shared a cab.
Fran: Stay tuned for the "Babcock Family Christmas Special"!
C.C.: (On the phone to her father) Hello, Father. How nice. Goodbye.
Fran: (Dabs fake tears from her eyes) Another Hallmark moment!
Niles: Oh Miss Babcock, there is a gentleman on line three who claims to be your father, and I admire him for having the guts to admit it.
Fran: But Ma, you always taught me that family comes first.
Sylvia: Our family, darling... not theirs.